Where are all the D-bags??

So you read all the time about those douche bags that hangout at a certain place SOLELY to meet girls right?

Ya you know, THAT kinda guy. You read about them in other ppl's blogs, you hear about them in stories on sat/sun mornings with your friends, and you've definitely met one or two of them at least once in your life.

Well, I'll be honest. I've never enjoyed or particularly welcomed this kind of contact. In fact, I've tried my best to avoid it. But at this juncture in my life, I actually wish there were more of them. I WANT to meet THAT guy. I am yearning for that attention. I want to talk to someone who wants to talk to me b/c they think they can get in my pants. Is that really too much to ask? Did all the conservative girls in the world scare off that population of scum bags? Or did natural selection finally set in?

For the first time in my life, I'm single. Ya, I know, it sounds like I like it up here on my pedestal. Too bad there isn't one. I've only been with three guys in my life and I'm in my early twenties. So I'm young, living the dream right? well not from my perspective. I'd be living the dream if I were skanky and could find myself capable of relieving this built up sexual tension one random sat night. I haven't had any sexual contact in the past three months and I'm literally tearing myself apart. I can't do it. I cannot keep living without a safe stable source of physical activity, conservatively speaking. Sure I could resort to a female form of self appeasement, but I also can't bring myself to do that either. Almost all of my friends (guys and girls included) have told me they have friends that do it or they themselves are a proud committer! So maybe its a common phenomenon that's kept pretty hush-hush in the privacy of everyone's own bedroom, but I just can't do it. The mere thought of putting myself out of my own misery in that fashion has me gagging.

Don't get me wrong. I know exactly what position I'm playing here. I'm complaining about problems that, supposedly there are ways to solve. However, here are my hurtles:

1) I'm too conservative to go on a one night stand.
2) It wouldn't even be enjoyable when you do it with someone who's a total stranger and both parties are intoxicated to try and mask the fact that it happened the morning after.
3) um.....STDs. G-ross
4) I can't even play the part of a slutty-I-want-to-hook-up-tonight well. aka I don't have any clothes that fit the bill (or don't fit for that matter)
5) I'm not well endowed (neither ASSests are FIRM)
6) I'm also not the race that the majority of this country finds desirable
7) O and I'm premed....so I don't know how to act ditsy
8) Since I've only known how to be a gf, how do you go about being single anyway?

god i'm annoying...but any suggestions??